To Be Single or Not to Be Single

I feel like Wednesdays are gonna be the days I usually post but I don’t wanna commit to that because once I actually do, that’s when I lose motivation to keep it up cause I feel pressured lol. That’s probably a sign of like commitment issues but who knows really

I didn’t have much of an idea of what I wanted this week’s post to be about but I feel like men might be today’s topic. I just have some things to get off my chest you know

First of all, “dating” these days literally makes no damn sense. Meeting people is so hard for me because I’m way too shy/insecure to ever approach a guy myself and it’s definitely not like men approach me ever. So then I’m left with turning to good old online dating. AKA Tinder. My experiences with it have been… interesting to say the least. If anything, it’s made me realize that “casual dating” is not for me. Even though I fully know this, I continue to do it because if I don’t then I just have to deal with being alone. Which I’m not really down for. It’s at the point where everyone I know is either seeing someone or dating someone and I’m just like well where the hell is my guy; I wanna be all cute and happy like that too.

There’s nothing wrong with being alone, in fact it’s probably a better idea for me to focus on myself now anyway. But I feel like while different areas of my life are progressing, I feel super stuck in the relationship department. Being 19 and never having a boyfriend before is not very typical compared to most and I’M SICK OF IT. I probably sound super desperate but you better appreciate my honesty ok. I don’t like seeing some new dude every month; that’s really not my thing. I’m someone who would prefer to spend my time with one person for a longer period of time.

As for right now, I’m in a weird spot because I am single but also doing the “it’s complicated” thing with someone. And even better, there’s also a few hours between us now since I moved back home for the summer but we still regularly stay in contact. I don’t know if I actually wanna be with this person for real or it’s just all physical. And that’s the hard part about navigating relationships nowadays because it’s hard to tell if you have a genuine connection with someone or you’re just blinded by lust. At the end of the day, I just want someone to be cuddly with.  Yes, I’m currently focused on bettering myself but a part of myself wants to be with someone. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.



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