I always do this.
I start something because I get all hyped up and then I never stick with it. This blog especially. The last and first post was back in November and it’s literally now May. My life is just a continuous cycle of starting things and never finishing them. There was when I literally bought a guitar and learned to play Ode to Joy and never touched it again and that was three years ago, the roller coaster that is my weight, this blog, and even starting a YouTube channel. There are so many things I want to do and I manage to get excited enough to start these projects but never see them through. My main issue is staying motivated enough to do these things. I know I have the power to do everything I want to do, it’s just really hard for me stick with them. I can fully admit that once I start to realize how much work my goals actually take, I back out. And I hate that quality about myself. It’s the result of my chronic laziness but also the rockiness of my mental health. Usually I start projects on my best days; when I feel like I have everything in control. Then the next day comes and I can’t even bring myself to get out of bed. I know it’s worth pushing myself but I often find myself putting myself down and doubting my abilities. It’s important for me to stay positive because that’s usually where most of my motivation comes from but it’s a lot easier said than done.
I want to gain something from this summer. I want to go back to school in September feeling like I accomplished something. I’ll be turning twenty this year which scares the shit out of me because I know real life is starting. I want to start building a successful platform for myself and that has to start now. There are so many things I want to do and I would hate to have to accept that the only obstacle in my way is myself. It’s currently 11pm and starting tomorrow, I’m going to turn around my lifestyle. I’m going to wake up before 12pm and I will start my day with exercise and start my journey of clean(ish) eating (baby steps lol). I feel like I’ve reached the peak of hating my body; I want to look in the mirror and be confident in what I see. I want to set realistic goals for myself and not set myself up for failure. I’m going to keep up with this blog by trying to stick to at least weekly updates. I can commit to once a week and adding whatever extra content when I please.
I’m excited because I know good things are coming, I just need to have faith in myself and my abilities. My motivation comes from my capacity to set goals.